DBZ Comedy Segments
by Temnascentric
Summary: Just some ideas for comedy segments that I have. Hope you like it! Some inappropriateness... CRACKFICS!


Due to the rather conspicuous lack of willing reviewers on the area of FanFiction that I am generally on, I have decided to try my hand at another area that I like. I must give some credit for the idea for this comedy segment to Captain Space, author of Break Through the Limit, for his Kai segments (the first one made me fall off my barstool laughing), and to American Vigor, author of Honor Trip, for his idea of a sharp whack on the head turning an enemy good. Well, that and the original idea from the great god Akira Toriyama of Goku whacking his head and turning good. And of course, for many of the running gags, thanks to Team Four Star, for generating the ideas and inspiring my ideas for my own gags. I hope I don't get a bunch of flames… And these characters are in no way like the canon characters. With that, let the Games begin!

Cell: Hey, that's my line!

Some Random Announcer Guy: No, it's my line!

Cell: *makes an energy ball* Are you sure about that, completely useless character that has no bearing on anything?

Some Random Announcer Guy: *gulp* Fine, fi-

Hercule: Don't let him intimidate you with some smoke and mirrors! *throws pepper shaker at Cell*

Cell: Ugh, him again. *sneezes*

Hercule: *is too busy being blown away to say anything other than* FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU-

Author: Cell, be nice…

Cell: *swivels to author* You want this energy ball?

Author: Cell, I am far more powerful than you. I can make you do anything I want, including embarrassing stuff.

Cell: Really? *swings arm back to throw energy ball* Let's test that.

Author: *sigh* Cell, do the Benuvian can-can.

Cell: *Energy ball disappears, starts doing the Benuvian can-can* What trickery is this?!

Author: See? Now onto the comedy.

Jimmy Kimmel: Whoops, wrong set.

* * *

Goku stood in a battle-ready stance, his hands in position to form the Kamehameha. Across from him, Piccolo floated a few inches above the ring's surface, his cape fluttering in the wind. Neither moved. Then suddenly they did. And then they were gone, battling faster than the human eye could see.

*Two hours later*

"My…crater...is bigger…than…your crater," Piccolo gasped, lying spread-eagled at the bottom of the hole in the ring.

"Hah… that's because…I… made it," wheezed Goku at the bottom of his own hole. "And you…made the… one…I'm in."

"Ok, then…yours…is bigger…than mine," the Namekian said.

Silence reigned for a few seconds.

* * *

Meanwhile, in Otherworld…

Krillin: Senzu Bean! *whistling sound, bean hits a mahogany desk*

King Yemma: Be quiet, you're dead! *examines desk* You dented my desk!

Krillin: *face looks like when Frieza emerged still alive from the Spirit Bomb*

* * *

Back on Earth…

Both fighters crawled up out of their holes.

"When are you…going to…give up?" Goku gasped. 'I want a muffin,' said Goku's stomach. "Hah…when you do….Goku," said Piccolo. "Which is…to say…never."

*ding*

"Yay, my muffins are ready!" Goku dove back into his crater.

Piccolo's jaw dropped literally to the ground.

*A few minutes later*

"Hey, Piccolo, you want a muffin?"

"…..I don't eat."

*A few more later*

"Ok, I'm done! Now let's fight!"

*fightfightfight*

"Ow, my head!" Piccolo yelled.

"Behold, my Memory-Erasing Head Whack!" Goku announced. Piccolo sweatdropped. "That….didn't work."

Goku smiled, then pulled a rather large dead fish out from behind his back. "Maybe this will?"

*slapslapslap*

"Where did the Dragon Balls come frommmmm?" mumbled Piccolo.

*thump*

* * *

*One day later*

"You think he'll wake up?" asked Goku, who was, as usual, eating something. No one knew what, as he had cleaned out** all **of the mini-fridges in the hospital hours ago. No one really wanted to know, either.

* * *

*Inside the bottle that Piccolo swallowed, which was now on the side table*

Kami: LET ME OUT!

* * *

*Back in the hospital room*

Master Roshi was standing directly to the side of the hospital bed when Piccolo woke up. As usual, he was looking at an inappropriate magazine. Piccolo screamed when he woke up.

Roshi screamed. Piccolo screamed again. Roshi screamed yet again and the magazine went up in the air, landing on Piccolo's face.

Piccolo screamed even louder.

* * *

*After ten months of therapy for Piccolo*

"Are you ok, Piccolo?" Goku asked. "Yes, Goku." Piccolo took another swig of vodka from the twenty-gallon jug he was holding. "Now leave me to my misery." As a result of the whack on the head, Piccolo had somehow become a Catholic who hated inappropriate images.

At least, they assumed he was Catholic because of his drinking.

* * *

*Fast forward to Raditz arriving on Earth*

*BOOM*

The farmer looked up from his crops. _Aw crap, there go mah weed plants – I mean mah carrots. Yeah, mah carrots. _He ran to his truck and hopped in, flooring his gas guzzler.

* * *

*At the crater*

The farmer got out of his truck. _Yeah, I'm real smart. Mah gun will protect me!_ He walked over to the crater. "Holy crap, it's Sonic the Hedgehog – no…It's an alien. Holy Crap it's an alien!"

Raditz floated out of the crater, still blinded by the light. _Now to go get Kakarot off this barren wasteland of a planet. Hopefully he's cleared it off – _his eyes adjusted to the light. _Oh damnit, Kakarot, you didn't do it. I knew we should have sent Turles. Stupid mix-up._ A foul smell wafted to him from below. He looked down. A human stood below him with a gun. Apparently he had crapped his pants. "Protect me gun!" he yelled, and a bullet came towards Raditz.

*Five minutes later*

"Let's see…there are two high power levels. Let's go to the one in the desert."

* * *

*Five more minutes*

"Hi."

"Hi."

"Are you Kakarot?"

"I'm green, have pointy ears, wear a turban, and have a twenty-gallon jug of vodka on my back. Yeah, I must look like a lot of people you know."

"Well that's not nice."

"And who's Kakarot? He look like you?"

"Kinda, he has a tail, probably eats a lot, likes to fight, dumb as dirt-"

"Oh, you're looking for Goku. He's off that way. Oh, and be sure to kidnap his kid. Not sure how that woman got him to do it, but they got a kid. Probably promised to give him a lot of food after he took a closer look at – Oh, never mind."

"Yeah."

"…Yeah…"

"…"

"…"

"So what's your name?"

"I'm the Demon King Piccolo."

"I'm Raditz. Nice to meet you, Your Majesty."

"Likewise."

* * *

Yes, this is meant to be random. I hope that you guys like it. Please not a lot of flames. Just tell me how good or bad it is. Oh, and I'm not affiliated with Team Four Star.

Cell: *is still doing the Benuvian can-can*

Some Random Announcer Guy: Eh heh heh heh….

Hercule: *is in the hospital*

Gohan: I have a Dragon ball on my head! This is in no way going to make me a target for enemies!

Goku: I am a great father!

Chi-Chi: Hey, Goku, you want to have a lot more food again?

Goku: Sure!

*thumpa-thumpa-thumpa*

George Takei: Oh my!

* * *

DISCLAMER: The author of this fanfic is in no way affiliated with FUNimation, Toei Animation, Fuji TV, or Akira Toriyama. The author does not own any stock in the companies, makes no claim of ownership upon the said companies nor their productions or assets, and the author does not stand to gain any sort of compensation by releasing this fanfic. If the said companies and person wish to use this fanfic as their own, they may do so, but only if the author gets to meet Akira Toriyama. With that being said, please don't sue me.


End file.
